Doubting Ourselves

“Are you aware of how for the last 20-25 minutes you haven’t doubted yourself?”

JJ* is a very disturbed, older, socialite wife with extremely scattered thinking, almost an inability to respond directly to a question without flights of reference and flights away from genuine engagement. 

*Names and identifying information always changed to insure confidentiality

JJ’s favorite phrases, “Does that make any sense at all?”  “What do you think about that?”  “Am I crazy as hell?”   

JJ is so distant from her feelings that I had spent good portions of early sessions asking her to track back to her feelings, that she had characteristically skipped over.  She had begun to say, with a laugh, “Oh no, here we go again” when I stopped her to check on her affect.  She continued, however, unable to really follow her feelings, still going on extended sidetrips of information … I could see her mentally/physically casting about for something to find to say that would let her accelerate with words and thoughts away from the feelings.

Soooooo … I decided to be quite disciplined in listening to her, wherever she went.  If she veered away from her main point (perhaps the emotions would become overwhelming, perhaps she felt “too full of herself”, perhaps she would feel guilty or angry or whatever), I would listen until a pause and summarize where she had gone, where she had been, and emphasize that I was following her, I was with her – even if, especially if, she had let go of herself. 

This focused, disciplined listening to JJ had an immediate effect.  I asked JJ near end of session, “Are you aware of how for the last 20-25 minutes you haven’t doubted yourself?”  She became very satisfied!  The feeling of being heard, believed, assisted was healing in and of itself.  She isn’t yet ready to know all of her feelings, but she is ready to feel as though she adheres together and that her thoughts can make sense.