Blog

As Pam writhed with sadness, with pain, as she cried and wiped tears and then cried some more, as I sat across from her and felt in myself, “Something here is important, is healing,” Pam calmed, took a few deep breaths, and with a suddenly resonant and deep voice stated, “This one, this time … I can’t get through without crying.”

I was married young to my high school girlfriend. After 5 years of dating and 5 years of marriage I was informed: “I don’t love you. I don’t think I ever have.”

Our collective culture often tells us that PDA’s — Public Displays of Affection — make Others uncomfortable and ought to be avoided. And there is a solid reason, it seems to me, to avoid pushing intimate, personal moments into public spaces.

One of my favorite comments to hear from someone working in therapy is: “This is completely unrelated, but …,” because it indicates the person is flowing and choosing to Not Stop Themselves as we so frequently do in regular life. … and it is Never completely unrelated.

This focused, disciplined listening to JJ had an immediate effect. I asked JJ near end of session, “Are you aware of how for the last 20-25 minutes you haven’t doubted yourself?” She became very satisfied! The feeling of being heard, believed, assisted was healing in and of itself.