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Separating and individuating, becoming our own unique self, is not about becoming selfish. Quite the contrary, it is central to forming loving, connected relationships.

So at certain point, he look himself in the mirror, and he just say, "Hey, I am a hippopotamus, and there is nothing I can do about it." And as soon as he accepts this, he live life happy. Happy as a Hippo…

It is fascinating and gratifying to watch two hurting, sensitive human beings explore supporting themselves with positive internal object relations.

We do hurt from overwhelming events from our childhood when we did not have the internal resources to advocate for ourselves, to adequately protect our core sense of self. Now, as adults, we are vulnerable to treating ourselves with adopted introjects (in this case, an introjected self bully).

Many of us in the U.S. will think of assertiveness with particularly American flavorings that seem embedded in our Collective Unconscious. The view we most normally take of it as something rather risky, self-asserting, often aiming to get what we want, without being overly concerned with others.